%BEYOND WORDS

12:05 AM

Saturday, April 05, 2008

H.Y.B and an egg, and my longest entry ever

My obsession with him hasn't fade away yet, which is kinda scary, being obsess over a singer. The last time i did that was probably more than 5 yrs ago? bout 5566. But my 'obsession' now is bigger. And i really admire him, the way he sings, he plays instruments, create music, music that he has a passion of, and it makes me want to be more involved in MUSIC. His huge passion for it, and he's like talented. It makes me wan to learn more, as much as i can about instruments, that this could be what i'll be doing after nursing. It makes me think of what i can do after this part of my life. I realised there's SO MUCH MORE out there that i want to do.

I've done smth that i've nv done b4. which is... : saving half of his old songs from his previous albums, which is 5. i counted it jus now. My mp3 has 2 GB, and i've used it all UP. I wonder how much space is enough for me, cos my laptop is slowing down due to all the songs that i hv. Hearing his previous songs hv made me realised how much he has grown, mature, the way he sings now is slightly different from more than 5 yrs ago. and he has concerts, which is NOT in SINGAPORE. I think he only came once for an award thing, and i kept the magazine, not solely because he's in it. Listening to those songs also bring back memories of how i heard his music the first time, what i was doing when i bought the album, small little bits of memories, which is interesting. =)

And i still can't believe that he's 1.8m tall, and that i didn't notice it till THIS YR, 2008. How slow can i be? So, anyway, now, when i go out, i always notice tall guys, and imagine how tall he'll be WHEN i see him IN PERSON. WHEN, not IF. I shall make seeing him in person the no. 1 thing that i'll do after the bond! I don't care if i hv to fly to shanghai, and meet weird ppl, whom i can't communicate with because of their language and the pollution and all that stuff. Hmm... gotta wear a mask! and specs. i'm most probably getting ahead of myself right now. I maybe thinking too much, but i feel there's a reason why God give a brain rite? and imagination? But, i'll not go and worry about it, for that's wad He says we shan't do. Hopefully, after 3 yrs, he'll be more aware of fans in SINGAPORE?

=) / =( / =) Sometimes, thinking bout him jus makes me happy, but sad at the same time..

The next thing is, i felt like an EGG. It just came to my mind at cell. It's like i'm protecting myself, or creating a barrier around me. I had smth to share, but i didn't wan to talk about it. I felt my body just going haywire just thinking about sharing. But i dun mind sharing if it's a one person thing. Like we're just chit chatting. It's a little different from having a presentation in front of everybody, or performing when there's audience. I like people asking me qns, so i noe what to reply, that they really cared about me. I'm like the yolk, surrounded by the white and shell. =) weird comparison? wileen and the egg. I had the urge to cry during cell. It came 3 times. I think i really need to cry out. ???

Sometimes, i find myself wondering, why did i REALLY choose nursing? Is it because i want to help people so much? That i can help them feel better? Was it to prove smth? Was it me TRYING to be different because i hv to be unique? Or is it wanting to escape from the studying of many subjects for a couple more yrs like secondary sch?

Starting the career of being a nurse on MONDAY, 7 april... Certain sense of excitement, but a much higher sense of fear, worry, which has already been prayed for. I need to pray more. Looking forward to wearing the uniform, to serving ppl (whom i need to stop being biased of). I still haven study sch materials, which is kinda BAD. Need to start working on that(which i've already been telling myself since this monday, and occasionally during the hols).

I really like the NTU CELL! You people are a GREAT bunch to hang out with, though i usually can't stay late, which sometimes i like or don't. But i still feel that i'm unable to "open up" in a way. Just this invisble strong barrier, that i believe He will break it sometime soon, and after a period of being tgt... Hope u all will see this, if u're wondering how come i'm quiet, and distancing myself.

This must be the longest post that i've ever typed. So for those who actually read, i suggest u read the entry separately for several days. Because, when i read ppl's blog that has long entries too, i tend to skip much of it, just skimming through. Oops! And i've been listening to H.Y.B cd throughout this period of time. and if u haven yet guessed wad's H.Y.B... it stands for hu yan bin, 胡彥斌. or A.H.Y.B: anson hu yan bin. He has the same b'dae as my mum, which helps me rem it better. I'm like, psychotic or smth. A few of my friends probably can't stand me anymore, with me sending weblinks of his videos.

I think i really, really like guys who are really talented, good with music and REALLY has the PASSION for it! I think many girls like them too... oops.

Time do fly at times... i need sleep...